Trials and Tribulations

Well how fast things can change!  As you may know, my GP came a-visiting on Wednesday to tell me she had arranged a 3 month course of vitamin B12 injections, along with regular blood tests to keep a proper track of it.  Added to which, she has done a referral for an investigation I have been hoping for over the last 18 months now.  How overjoyed was I !!!  It is such a good feeling when something you have strived for so long is finally recognized, accepted as a possibility that needs investigation and put into motion.  My good mood knew no bounds and I slept well that night.

Then Thursday morning broke (well, noonish) and a knock at my door…………a Community phlebotomist come to take my bloods! Yikes, how efficient is this?!  But wait, “having come to take the first blood tests are you not also going to give me an injection”?  “Oh no” says the young lady, “we have your prescription but need to wait for the results first”.  “Um I don’t think that was the GPs idea”, says I.  “Oh dear, that’s what my colleague told me”.  OK, so not the end of the world thinks I, just have to wait a few days longer, but annoying because the idea is to have this course no matter what my current level is, so there is no point in waiting for a result. 

STRIKE ONE – slightly wobbly but just a little, so "wait, we can do this”!…………………..

So the phlebotomist leaves with phials of my hard earned blood and I open my emails to find one from my GP…………………..SHE’S LEAVING!!!!!!  She didn’t want to tell me when she came because she saw I was struggling and didn’t want to overload me further.  Lovely sentiment Dr. Hoff, but do wish she had told me so at least I could have thanked her in person for such wonderful help and support over the last 3 years.  I understand she wishes to spend more time with her children and the surgery would not offer her that flexibility, but oh boy do I feel abandoned and a little frightened.  Apparently my new doctor is a newly qualified child.

STRIKE TWO – Definitely on very boggy and treacly ground, up to my waist………………..

3 hours later another message pings into my Inbox……….”Just a short note” from my Adult Services Support Worker……. SHE’S LEAVING!!!!   Well, not actually leaving, but she’s off my case, onto “another project” and already handed me to another worker, whom “will contact me soon”. 

STRIKE THREE – And I'm OUT!  The Darkness descends totally, mire over my head - sucking me deeper fast!

Definitely feeling an overwhelming sense of loss and NOT a happy bunny.  Losing BOTH my closest and most influential support in one day is just too much.  The idea of having to go through everything all over again with TWO new people is just……………well, both terrifying and daunting.  (And today of all days).  How on earth am I going to reach the same level of understanding and commitment, knowledge and comprehension with the two most influential people in my world at present? L

And so a bad, dark and melancholy 24 hours followed, but tinged with bits of bright sunlight in a friend coming to visit and a lovely hand-drawn card from my eldest son.

So Saturday dawned (and yes folks, I actually SAW it dawn!) very early.  I’d had a very disturbed night, mainly for “comfort breaks”, but usually I’ll just fall straight back to sleep.  Not really sure what caused me to awaken as I did but I had a lovely cup of tea, door wide open, feet up watching dawn’s early light, smelling the fresh, cool air and realizing life is fine really.  Obstacles have been hurled at me, hidden to trip me up and cleverly disguised as aid, but I’m still here, the world is spinning slowly and offering an amazing place to explore and experience.  All I have to do is take the support you all provide, use it to climb out of the darker times, grow stronger both mentally and physically and get out there and again LIVE LIFE to its utmost and fullest extent.

I know we can ALL understand the “despondent” times, the “why me?” times, the “I just cannot go on like this!” times, but stick in there everyone.  There is just waaayyy too much still to enjoy and whatever garbage is thrown at us,

Together WE CAN Endure and Overcome, Enjoy and Experience!